I have a confession to make.
I bite my nails.
I’ve always done it.
And it sucks.
Recently, I’ve begun doing a bunch of shit to my nails to keep me from nibbling. I have an ever growing collection of pretty polishes, from Indie companies, local polishers and the local drug store. I have all the manicure tools. I have a glass nail file. All the goods.
I’m addicted to magazines.
They’re so fun to look at and I get ideas for makeup and other stuff from them. I am by no means any kind of a glamour girl, it’s just a guilty pleasure.
Well, in an issue of Cosmo a few months back, they had a sample of Kiss Nail Dress. These are little sticker things that you peel off and apply to your own nail. You file off the excess around the edges, and voila! Pretty hands!
This is perfect for me, because my next confession is…
Even though I have all of those fun tools and crap in my nail bag, I suck at painting my own nails. I do great with French manicures, if I have the stickers for them. I can glue an acrylic on with ease. But painting them? I try and try and try, and I just suck at it. I tend to stick with a plain color with some kind of glitter over the top to cover up all the bumps and uneven shit on them.
So back to Kiss Nail Dress.
I popped them out of my magazine and onto my nails, lo and behold, the things actually fit on my misshapen, bitten up, crap nails.
I think I found a lifesaver.
Well, I leave the sample ones on for a couple of days. They lasted through a shower and washing dishes. They lasted through putting on makeup and taking makeup off. The lasted through styling my hair, vacuuming and giving my cat a bath. Huh. These might actually be worth it.
I drove up to Walgreen’s, those months ago, and saw the bitches were like 10 bucks a pop.
Pffffft. My nails aren’t long and nice enough to throw away that kinda dough.
So I waited and waited until I grew my nails out, keeping myself from biting them. Shaping them and loving them and hardening them and strengthening them.
And today, I went out and bought a package.
From Walgreen’s. For $6.49. The style is called Camisole, but I’m going to call it Zebra Fuck You. It’s black and white zebra lines, all random on each sticker so it doesn’t look QUITE like you had to put a sticker on your hands because you suck at painting your nails. It was super easy to apply them, just peel and stick. The package comes with a mini nail file that is pink on one side and blue on the other. The blue side would be if you got the Nail Dress that has jewels on it. The pink is for “fashion strips”. Well, I used the blue side because the pink side is for pussies. That would be my main complaint so far, the pink side of the nail file is very light, and didn’t seem to do much.
Each package contains 28 stickers in different sizes. I picked out the ones that would fit my nails and did them, one at a time. I filed off the excess sticker, and then placed the pieces I cut off back onto the sticker sheet. After finishing all of my nails, I applied a very, very thin topcoat, because I can’t handle having nails that aren’t shiny. If I’m gonna be pretty, I’m gonna be PRETTY GOD DAMMIT.
So the application was easy, they look pretty nice, that’s me in the picture up there. I know I have ugly hands and nails as it is, but I think these help. They definitely don’t take nearly as long as painting your nails, and if you touch the one you just did, it doesn’t smudge, obviously. Super nice for clumsy people. Working with my non-dominant hand was a breeze, there was no fine work going into it. All in all, it took me about 10 minutes, including painting on the top coat.
I’m going to assume these will last about three or four days on my hands. I type for a living, so anything I do to my nails usually comes off about three days faster than anything other people do to their nails. It claims it will last a week.
So is it worth it?
Nah. The 6.49 price (on sale from 9.99) is just too much. I could buy a bottle of nail polish and fuck my nails up twenty times or so on my own for that price. While cute, I don’t think you get a very good amount for your money. These would be great for an occasional date night or girls’ night out, even a wedding, instead of going to a salon. They’re fun for once in awhile, but I change my nails too often to stick with one thing for a week, even if they did last that long.
All in all, I’m glad I tried them, and now I have a bunch of extra stickers I can throw into my terrible manicures in the future.